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Old 12-04-2009, 02:55 AM   #1
TANK'S 250
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When your wife or girlfriend won't put out..

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while sh e tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where se picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch w ith my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs a woman.'

and just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her.
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Icon 4.5" lift, 41" IROKS, and some other stuff

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TIRES AND WHEELS- 41" IROK Super Swampers, 20 x 10 AR Mojave Teflon-STEERING UPGRADE- Donahoe Racing Dual Stabilizers -FRONT SUSPENSION- Donahoe Racing 4.5" lift -REAR SUSPENSION- 6" Procomp Springs, Farmboy Fabrications Custom Traction Bars-FRONT AXLE UPGRADES- ARB Air locker/ 4.56 Precision Gears -REAR AXLE UPGRADES- ARB Air Locker/ 4.56 Precision Gears -ENGINE UPGRADES -SCT XCAL II w/ Extreme track file- ARP Headstuds - TRUSTED PERFORMANCE Stage II fuel and Oil system - ACCUFAB Intake Elbow - AFE Stage II Intake - MBRP Turbo back Stainless Steel Exhaust - MERLIN controls SPEED WIZARD-TRANSMISSION UPGRADES- Southbend 550+ HP Clutch -INTERIOR MODS-Gauge Works Quad A-pillar pod - Autometer Cobalt Series Gauges Pyro, Boost, Tranny - Cobra Inverter Remote Switch - Cobra Limited Edition Harley Davidson CB - Python Custom alarm system, wired into train horns - Hi-Lift Extreme jack w/ off road base -10,000 watt inverter - 15 gallons of air - Porter Cable 115 volt, 2.5hp Air Compressor - Rhino....Bed liner - EXTERIOR MODS- Harley Heads & Smoked tails- Crown SS braided Brake Lines -Custom Fabricated Front Bumper/ Brushguard w/ Custom Herculiner - (2) 8" Procomp Spotlights -(2) 5" Procomp Spotlights - (2) 5"Procomp Fluted lights - (2) 12 ton Recovery Shackles - Custom Fabricated Safari Rack w/ Custom Herculiner - (8 ) 3" x 5" Procomp Fluted lights - Grover...Triple Train Horns - Wilson 4' Fiberglass CB antenna - Stealth Bulbs Chrome signal bulbs - Dominator...Cowl Hood - Custom Herculined Rocker panels - AMP Research Powersteps - Bushwacker Cut-out Fender Flares - Ventshades - LEER Bed cap - Recon Line of Fire, rear light bar,...and a couple other things
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:01 AM   #2
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i thought you were gonna say go on a dating website.

Garrett
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:16 AM   #3
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Nice job tank that was fu*ken great.
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:38 AM   #4
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That was the most awsome story I have ever heard
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:59 AM   #5
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Now where else did i read that joke at??
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Old 12-04-2009, 04:40 AM   #6
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haha i liek that joke.
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Old 12-04-2009, 05:06 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JDolezal View Post
Now where else did i read that joke at??
The Duramaxforum....where I'm a moderator..
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2005 F-250, CC,SB,PSD, MANUAL TRANNY

Icon 4.5" lift, 41" IROKS, and some other stuff

Special thanks to:


TrustedPerformance.com
KLMperformance.com
Black Ops Bumpers
FarmboyFabrications.com


TIRES AND WHEELS- 41" IROK Super Swampers, 20 x 10 AR Mojave Teflon-STEERING UPGRADE- Donahoe Racing Dual Stabilizers -FRONT SUSPENSION- Donahoe Racing 4.5" lift -REAR SUSPENSION- 6" Procomp Springs, Farmboy Fabrications Custom Traction Bars-FRONT AXLE UPGRADES- ARB Air locker/ 4.56 Precision Gears -REAR AXLE UPGRADES- ARB Air Locker/ 4.56 Precision Gears -ENGINE UPGRADES -SCT XCAL II w/ Extreme track file- ARP Headstuds - TRUSTED PERFORMANCE Stage II fuel and Oil system - ACCUFAB Intake Elbow - AFE Stage II Intake - MBRP Turbo back Stainless Steel Exhaust - MERLIN controls SPEED WIZARD-TRANSMISSION UPGRADES- Southbend 550+ HP Clutch -INTERIOR MODS-Gauge Works Quad A-pillar pod - Autometer Cobalt Series Gauges Pyro, Boost, Tranny - Cobra Inverter Remote Switch - Cobra Limited Edition Harley Davidson CB - Python Custom alarm system, wired into train horns - Hi-Lift Extreme jack w/ off road base -10,000 watt inverter - 15 gallons of air - Porter Cable 115 volt, 2.5hp Air Compressor - Rhino....Bed liner - EXTERIOR MODS- Harley Heads & Smoked tails- Crown SS braided Brake Lines -Custom Fabricated Front Bumper/ Brushguard w/ Custom Herculiner - (2) 8" Procomp Spotlights -(2) 5" Procomp Spotlights - (2) 5"Procomp Fluted lights - (2) 12 ton Recovery Shackles - Custom Fabricated Safari Rack w/ Custom Herculiner - (8 ) 3" x 5" Procomp Fluted lights - Grover...Triple Train Horns - Wilson 4' Fiberglass CB antenna - Stealth Bulbs Chrome signal bulbs - Dominator...Cowl Hood - Custom Herculined Rocker panels - AMP Research Powersteps - Bushwacker Cut-out Fender Flares - Ventshades - LEER Bed cap - Recon Line of Fire, rear light bar,...and a couple other things
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:02 PM   #8
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how the heck did u become a mod on a dmax forum?
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:54 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crosstx View Post
how the heck did u become a mod on a dmax forum?
a joke.

Garrett
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Old 12-04-2009, 08:45 PM   #10
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They needed help,..and I help almost anyone who asks for it...it's the way I am..
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2005 F-250, CC,SB,PSD, MANUAL TRANNY

Icon 4.5" lift, 41" IROKS, and some other stuff

Special thanks to:


TrustedPerformance.com
KLMperformance.com
Black Ops Bumpers
FarmboyFabrications.com


TIRES AND WHEELS- 41" IROK Super Swampers, 20 x 10 AR Mojave Teflon-STEERING UPGRADE- Donahoe Racing Dual Stabilizers -FRONT SUSPENSION- Donahoe Racing 4.5" lift -REAR SUSPENSION- 6" Procomp Springs, Farmboy Fabrications Custom Traction Bars-FRONT AXLE UPGRADES- ARB Air locker/ 4.56 Precision Gears -REAR AXLE UPGRADES- ARB Air Locker/ 4.56 Precision Gears -ENGINE UPGRADES -SCT XCAL II w/ Extreme track file- ARP Headstuds - TRUSTED PERFORMANCE Stage II fuel and Oil system - ACCUFAB Intake Elbow - AFE Stage II Intake - MBRP Turbo back Stainless Steel Exhaust - MERLIN controls SPEED WIZARD-TRANSMISSION UPGRADES- Southbend 550+ HP Clutch -INTERIOR MODS-Gauge Works Quad A-pillar pod - Autometer Cobalt Series Gauges Pyro, Boost, Tranny - Cobra Inverter Remote Switch - Cobra Limited Edition Harley Davidson CB - Python Custom alarm system, wired into train horns - Hi-Lift Extreme jack w/ off road base -10,000 watt inverter - 15 gallons of air - Porter Cable 115 volt, 2.5hp Air Compressor - Rhino....Bed liner - EXTERIOR MODS- Harley Heads & Smoked tails- Crown SS braided Brake Lines -Custom Fabricated Front Bumper/ Brushguard w/ Custom Herculiner - (2) 8" Procomp Spotlights -(2) 5" Procomp Spotlights - (2) 5"Procomp Fluted lights - (2) 12 ton Recovery Shackles - Custom Fabricated Safari Rack w/ Custom Herculiner - (8 ) 3" x 5" Procomp Fluted lights - Grover...Triple Train Horns - Wilson 4' Fiberglass CB antenna - Stealth Bulbs Chrome signal bulbs - Dominator...Cowl Hood - Custom Herculined Rocker panels - AMP Research Powersteps - Bushwacker Cut-out Fender Flares - Ventshades - LEER Bed cap - Recon Line of Fire, rear light bar,...and a couple other things
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